Saturday, February 12, 2011


Some parents have issues with children that want to sleep in their bed. We are the opposite.

After our daughter was born (nearly 4 years ago), we would have snuggly naptime in bed every once in a while, but as she got older she preferred to snuggle on the couch and read books and such. She was 5 months old when I got pregnant with our son, and near the end of my pregnancy I was pretty tired, and went to bed early. Sometimes I'd try to take her to bed with me if my hubby was working late, or if it was close to her bedtime anyways. But, it was always a game for her - when I closed my eyes, I could always sense that hers were open...and I could sense her little fingers trying to poke my eyes! (giggling as I write this) I'd pop my eyes open and she would just laugh and laugh. It never worked, so we'd snuggle for a few minutes, then it was off to her own bed.

It was a bit different with our son. Momma didn't get much naptime because when he napped, there was still another little one to care for - it was rare for them to nap at the same time, as much as we would have liked! But, it seemed that it took him longer to sleep through the night, and even when it seemed he was, then he wasn't again. I remember several nights that after being up a couple times, he would end up in our bed because momma just needed sleep - and he would always sleep better when he came to our bed. Overall though, I could count on one (or two) hands the number of times this happened. We didn't want it to become a habit - because we could see that happening with him. Our little girl and little boy are two very different people, and he would be the one to want to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed every night.

Now that they are a little older, I sometimes wish that they would come in our room in the morning to snuggle, or come sleep with momma if daddy happens to be out of town! We spend a lot of time together (I'm a WAHM - running an in-home daycare) so our days are busy, but we stick with our bedtime routine - and the only times that we don't snuggle and read books before bedtime, is when they are at one of the grandparent's houses for the night, or if we come home late from somewhere (usually one of the grandparent's houses) and they fall asleep in the car. But even with all the time we spend together, I wish we had more time to snuggle and just slow down every day.

On the weekends they usually get up before we do, so the opportunity could be there, but we've been on a different level of the house for nearly a year so gates are locked now when we go to bed. I bet if I left the gates open we'd have some snuggly visitors in the morning...wonder what my hubby would think of the whole thing. I haven't discussed this "issue" with him ;-)  Just seems like it might be a more pleasant way to wake up in the morning (two smiley faces) versus "oh, the kids are up, one of us better go get the day started" or the ever famous "MOMMA! DAD!" (our son yelling from the gate). Sometimes the kids will just get up and play together, but sometimes not, and sometimes they are in more of a fighting mood in the morning.

Two smiling faces to snuggle with for a bit (plus my hubby's smiling face!) before we head to the kitchen for breakfast together sounds like a pretty good start to a Sunday morning.

They are still young enough to be snuggly and I don't know how long that lasts!?!?


I often wonder what it would have been like to have a sister. Despite being 'stuck' in the middle, I love my brothers; and I of course know that gender is not something you can choose :-) There are just times that I could use some sisterly advice or chit-chats, and they aren't there.

Although, thanks to my brothers and my hubby, I have four wonderful sisters-in-law. Two are the same age as me (my older brother's wife, and hubby's sister), and the other two are 4 years younger (my younger brother's wife), and 6 years younger (hubby's sister). I feel closer to my hubby's sisters, probably because we spend more time together. The relationship with my hubby's youngest sister has had its ups and downs, but we've always been fairly close. I think my relationship with his other sister grew a bit stronger after she had her son nearly two years ago. Both being mothers, there is always something to talk about! I've known my older brothers wife since they started dating in 1994 and I've known my younger brother's wife for about 5 years. They are both mothers, so it is nice when the family gets together to be able to have that common bond.

I feel like the odd-ball. Out of all 4 sisters-in-law, I am the only one that doesn't have a sister. My hubby is in the same situation, out of 3 brothers-in-law, he is the only one that doesn't have a brother. Maybe that is why we connect so well most of the time. He grew up with sisters, I grew up with brothers. I understand him, he understands me.

I have female friends who have sisters, and I can see from them that it is such a different type of relationship than any that I have experienced. It's something that I can sit and think about, but never with any understanding.

Growing up I had a few close female friends, but I tended to befriend males more easily. I think having two brothers may have had something to do with that. I just felt more comfortable with friends of the opposite sex. That is another whole blog entry for another time, but I don't think I ever "learned" how to have a sisterly relationship with someone, like I probably could have.

The closest I have to a sister, is my best friend in Finland. We became pen-pals in 1992, so for nearly 19 years we've developed a close friendship.  She has 3 younger brothers, so we are the sisters each other never had :-) I've made my dream-come-true twice, visiting Finland in 2002 and 2010. My most recent visit was almost completely different than my first trip (we are both married, and have children now) but it was amazing! My Finnish family and friends are great. One of the things that didn't change was feeling the closeness of having a sister. Even if just for a few weeks, the opportunity to travel, hang out, chat, shop, etc... with a "sister" is like no other.

Is it weird that I wonder what it is like to have a sister? Why do I even try to think about it? Does anyone else ever think about this? It's something I will never fully comprehend.

I think deep down I need to get out more, and get away from being a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, even if for just a few hours. Time to propose the idea of a sisters (in-law) night!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

One Of Those Days

Today is just one of those days. I feel agitated. I feel stressed. I feel like it takes every ounce of strength to keep the tears from falling. I know once they do, it takes so long to stop, so I fight it hard sometimes.

It all comes down to the age old problem of "so much to do, so little time". It seems my plate has run over, and everything is spilling down...all over the place. I struggle to keep up with the day to day tasks, which makes it near impossible to get around to anything else. And by anything else I mean additional work I'd like to do for my daycare business (planning more activities, etc.), getting the house organized, TAXES, other items on my to-do list, and finally, things that I WANT to do.

I want to sew, I want to take more photos, I want to get some of my favorite photos printed, I want to exercise, I want to write-everyday, I want to play with the kids without having a to-do list on my mind, I want to be happy, I want to find that part of me that has been lost in the shuffle.

I do want to add that I love my children more than anything. They are amazing! I have a hard time just plopping them in front of the TV so that I can do my thing...and when I DO do that, it is usually to clean up the kitchen/dishes or run some laundry. I try to let them play on their own (minus the TV) and some days they can get along with each other while they play together or separately, and some days it only lasts so long before they can't leave each other alone and I have to intervene. I try to let them work things out; but I know the point in which I need to step in before someone gets injured.

Am I being selfish in thinking that I should be able to do something for me every once in a while? Does becoming a mother really mean that you have to give up everything about yourself because you are all about your children now? To a point maybe. I know I love to spend time with my children. I do all I can to keep them safe, protected, clothed, fed, etc... They are my life.

But, I have lost me. Deep down I don't feel the kind of 'happy' that I should. I am having a difficult time finding the right balance in life that will allow me the happiness that I truly desire. "If mama's not happy, nobody's happy", right? I want my kids to be happy in life.

This is a big problem, and I need to work on it NOW before I let too much time pass us by.